Church where my father's funeral was held.
Since the death of my father, last November, I have been struggling with my faith. No, let me rephrase that: my faith is intact–I still pray, I still believe and I still feel close to God, but I am having real difficulty with getting to church.
This issue seems to have started when my father was ill.
We moved my parents from their house of 39 years to our town and into an apartment back in 2006. That’s when everything changed.
I left my job working for a small distributor because I was not happy there, but also so I would be available to help out my parents and to give my mom some much needed time out and away from caregiving.
I am one who definitely believes the commandment, “Honour your Father and Mother”, but I have really found it difficult to see my life change so much.
My husband and I have no children and our life was pretty well-ordered until it became necessary to move my parents. Now that my father is gone, my mom is our total responsibility. Although she isn’t ill or frail, she does demand our attention in various ways and for various needs. She is also a person who is not the easiest to get on with. Some days I just can’t face dealing with her, if I’m honest.
Through all of this, sleep has become a huge issue for both my husband and for me. I can’t remember the last time either of us had a truly deep and long, refreshing sleep. My husband is on medication and I often have to resort to an over-the-counter tablet to get to sleep.
This means, by the time we get to Sunday morning, often we are just beat and getting up the energy to go to mass is next to impossible.
We say our prayers every night before we go to sleep and our faith is what rules our lives, but sadly, the act of going to mass to give thanks in person to our God, is falling by the wayside.
A few weeks ago, the priest spoke about not attending mass and I almost felt as if he was looking directly at me. I had every intention of making good the following week, but it was Father’s Day and I just couldn’t face it at church since it was the first Father’s Day without my own father. I know my dad is probably disappointed at the way I’m handling things. I wish I could do something about it, but it feels almost insurmountable.
Is there anyone out there who feels the same way? Or perhaps, someone is out there who has overcome these feelings and returned to regular church-attendance?
I would sincerely appreciate your thoughts.
Peace,
Beatasum
It really can be hard. Life gets away on us and whenever there’s big changes, something always gets a little lost in the shuffle. I like the distinction you make between a lack of attendance at Church and crisis of faith, too often people see them as one and the same. More often still, people allow the one to lead to the other.
I know what you mean about it feeling as though the priest was looking right at you during his homily too. Sometimes it seems as though the message couldn’t possibly be for anyone else but me! Either the words are challenging us toward growth in some area, or they speak a comfort we needed right then.
I wouldn’t worry about it so much while you’re in the midst of this big transition (less than a year to go from being a couple with no kids to parenting your mother is not nearly enough time to get into the swing of things). At the same time, the biggest reason for going to Church on a regular basis is perhaps what you need most right now, community. IN the last year we’ve had three families shattered by the deaths of a parent (all of them husbands). In all three cases the widows’ children live out of town and they have found themselves alone most of the time and having to, sometimes for the first time in many many years, do everything for themselves.
I asked one lady, how she was managing and she just smiled, “I have such a great group of people around me, all of these people we’ve been going to church with all these years. I sometimes have more help ad support and prayers than I know what to do with!”
Church is far more than a building we go to once a week to give thanks. A church, our church, our own, personal church, is a place where the family of Christ gathers to nourish, and be nourished by each other.
And when you’re ready, you may find your own family of Christ waiting to give you the kind of rest, support, prayers, and nourishment of body and spirit that you really need.
I know you’ll have my prayers. ;o)
Cura Animarum,
Thank you sincerely for taking the time to respond, at length and so constructively. (I was unavailable all day yesterday or I would have responded sooner.)
I do differentiate between faith crisis and not attending mass. My faith is unshakeable and I do know that this is just a hurdle that I need to overcome.
My husband is a convert and so, it is really up to me to lead the way and I feel I’ve been letting him down since he rarely goes to mass without me.
Your words of encouragement, and knowing that you are praying for me helps immensely. Please make your petitions most strongly this weekend to aid me in following through on my intent.
I will be visiting your blog very soon.
Peace,
Beatasum
I just happened along to your blog and happened to click on this post. I guess it caught my eye because a couple weeks ago as my husband and I were on our way to Sunday evening 5:15 Mass, I had the thought that one of the hardest things about being a Catholic is that command about attending Mass every Sunday under the pain of serious sin. We do always go–and I am always glad I went because the Mass and the Eucharist is restorative and grace-giving. But we are older and sometimes getting dressed, getting in the car, and driving 6 miles to church is difficult. If we did not have the option of Saturday evening Mass, and Sunday evening Mass at several parishes, it would be difficult to get up early if an early morning Mass were the only option.
I can’t suggest any solutions for making it easier. Maybe talking to a priest about your situation would be helpful. But I will keep you and your difficult situation with your mom in my prayers. As we get older, we face challenges we never anticipated but hopefully God is there giving us the strength to do what we need to do and to face what hardships come our way, but it isn’t always easy.
Also, I’d like to thank you for the link in your sidebar. It is appreciated. Many blessings and I will keep you in prayer and especially as we drive that 6 miles to Mass:-)
I just happened to come across your site today. (I love it!) It is so wonderful that you are able to share your struggles. This is such a great topic to talk about too! As a 30 year old Catholic, I have seen many family members and other young adults struggle with finding time for Mass. For me though, I thank God constantly for giving me wonderful and devout Catholic parents who instilled in us the importance of our faith and partaking of the Sacraments. I could not even tell you the last time I missed a weekend Mass. In my life time there might have been only a handful of times I did not attend. For me I would have it no other way. I don’t feel complete if I am not able to receive the Body and Blood of Christ each week. That is what keeps me going.
I often though, think about what would have happened to my life if I had stopped attending when my grade school friends did. I attended a Catholic school from kindergarten through high school. Many of my friends stopped attending Mass or practicing their Catholic faith because they no longer “had to” because of school. I am saddened to see how many of them have fallen away, practice other faiths, are now divorced or are not married through the Catholic Church. I was blessed to marry a Catholic and be married in the Catholic Church, but that is not always the case for people. I am also blessed to have a husband who is very much a practicing Catholic. He received his Sacraments of Eucharist and Confirmation as a young adult. Prior to “coming back to the church”, he was living a very wild life filled with drugs and drinking. God was the last person in his life. We became friends while he was in the RCIA process and 2 years later we were married. We celebrated 2 years of marriage this past June and still are very active in our parish as choir members and group leaders for young adults in RCIA.
So I guess what I am saying is, I pray that you are able to attend Mass more regularly. It is such a wonderful gift! Not only are you able to share in the community of God, but you receive so many graces and blessings through participating in the Sacraments of Eucharist and Reconciliation. I promise you that once you are able to get back into the routine of weekly Mass, God will begin to bless you and your family with more peace and energy than you could have imagined. Even though every day life can get tiresome, Jesus always awaits us to give us that nourishment through his Body and Blood. And as a community of faith, we help to support each other and pray for each other. But as Catholics, it is the Sacraments that make us strong. When we are able to make the sacrifice to God when we are most tired, He offers us His sacrifice in Holy Eucharist and takes care of the rest!
May God bless you and look upon your good deeds and be gracious to you!
In Christ’s Love,
Margie V-K
Lansing, MI
Margie V-K,
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond so fully and with so much heart. I do appreciate it.
It has been a struggle recently, but I do think it will change. We have just passed the 1st anniversary of my dad’s death and with that, my faltering is fading.
I am so hopeful that we will get back on track for Advent and all that this season holds and beyond.
Bless you and your husband! My husband is a convert as well, although we were married for a year before he enrolled in the R.C.I.A. In many ways he has become stronger in his faith than I.
Keep praying for us and I’ll let you know how it’s going.
Peace!
Beatasum
Hi there! Just checking back in and thought I would say Hi!
I pray that your Advent Season has been fulfilling and wonderful for you and your family and that the preparation for Christ’s birth has given you peace and joy! How have things been going? Plans for Christmas Mass? Perhaps a New Year’s Day Mass? Nothing like starting the New Year with Christ in the Eucharist! That will give your 2010 a jump start! Such a perfect time to start anew.
My New Year’s Resolution is to share in the Sacrament of Reconciliation more often. That is always my struggle. But I suppose that is one of Satan’s ways of keeping us far from God. Satan keeps tempting us with excuses not to go and then the less time we spend with God, the more we don’t miss Him. Very sneaky he is, that devil guy!!! What I have also put on my “Christmas list” this year is more of a hunger for Christ in the Sacraments. I constantly pray for that. I just want to always be in love with Christ and I want to always think about Him and I want to always have Him in my heart and in my thoughts!!! Doesn’t that just make you excited?!?!?
Well, I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas and that God gives you the peace you and your family needs. And may the spirit of Your father, who is awaiting you in heaven, bring you closer to Our Heavenly Father who also awaits us.
Merry Christmas Beatasum!
I love your blog. We are all striving to be better people, trying to be saints will get us closer to our goals.
Your comments about attending mass reminded me of a homily I attended, where father said the following story:
A Catholic husband was explaining to his non-Catholic wife the mystery of the Holy Eucharist, to which the wife replied: “I don’t believe that YOU really believe that you are receiving Jesus Body and Blood” The husband, shocked, asked why she thought that. “Because,” she said, “if you really believed that, you would go to mass every day of your life.”