Church where my father's funeral was held.
Since the death of my father, last November, I have been struggling with my faith. No, let me rephrase that: my faith is intact–I still pray, I still believe and I still feel close to God, but I am having real difficulty with getting to church.
This issue seems to have started when my father was ill.
We moved my parents from their house of 39 years to our town and into an apartment back in 2006. That’s when everything changed.
I left my job working for a small distributor because I was not happy there, but also so I would be available to help out my parents and to give my mom some much needed time out and away from caregiving.
I am one who definitely believes the commandment, “Honour your Father and Mother”, but I have really found it difficult to see my life change so much.
My husband and I have no children and our life was pretty well-ordered until it became necessary to move my parents. Now that my father is gone, my mom is our total responsibility. Although she isn’t ill or frail, she does demand our attention in various ways and for various needs. She is also a person who is not the easiest to get on with. Some days I just can’t face dealing with her, if I’m honest.
Through all of this, sleep has become a huge issue for both my husband and for me. I can’t remember the last time either of us had a truly deep and long, refreshing sleep. My husband is on medication and I often have to resort to an over-the-counter tablet to get to sleep.
This means, by the time we get to Sunday morning, often we are just beat and getting up the energy to go to mass is next to impossible.
We say our prayers every night before we go to sleep and our faith is what rules our lives, but sadly, the act of going to mass to give thanks in person to our God, is falling by the wayside.
A few weeks ago, the priest spoke about not attending mass and I almost felt as if he was looking directly at me. I had every intention of making good the following week, but it was Father’s Day and I just couldn’t face it at church since it was the first Father’s Day without my own father. I know my dad is probably disappointed at the way I’m handling things. I wish I could do something about it, but it feels almost insurmountable.
Is there anyone out there who feels the same way? Or perhaps, someone is out there who has overcome these feelings and returned to regular church-attendance?
I would sincerely appreciate your thoughts.
Peace,
Beatasum
It really can be hard. Life gets away on us and whenever there’s big changes, something always gets a little lost in the shuffle. I like the distinction you make between a lack of attendance at Church and crisis of faith, too often people see them as one and the same. More often still, people allow the one to lead to the other.
I know what you mean about it feeling as though the priest was looking right at you during his homily too. Sometimes it seems as though the message couldn’t possibly be for anyone else but me! Either the words are challenging us toward growth in some area, or they speak a comfort we needed right then.
I wouldn’t worry about it so much while you’re in the midst of this big transition (less than a year to go from being a couple with no kids to parenting your mother is not nearly enough time to get into the swing of things). At the same time, the biggest reason for going to Church on a regular basis is perhaps what you need most right now, community. IN the last year we’ve had three families shattered by the deaths of a parent (all of them husbands). In all three cases the widows’ children live out of town and they have found themselves alone most of the time and having to, sometimes for the first time in many many years, do everything for themselves.
I asked one lady, how she was managing and she just smiled, “I have such a great group of people around me, all of these people we’ve been going to church with all these years. I sometimes have more help ad support and prayers than I know what to do with!”
Church is far more than a building we go to once a week to give thanks. A church, our church, our own, personal church, is a place where the family of Christ gathers to nourish, and be nourished by each other.
And when you’re ready, you may find your own family of Christ waiting to give you the kind of rest, support, prayers, and nourishment of body and spirit that you really need.
I know you’ll have my prayers. ;o)
By: Cura Animarum on July 7, 2009
at 4:08 pm
Cura Animarum,
Thank you sincerely for taking the time to respond, at length and so constructively. (I was unavailable all day yesterday or I would have responded sooner.)
I do differentiate between faith crisis and not attending mass. My faith is unshakeable and I do know that this is just a hurdle that I need to overcome.
My husband is a convert and so, it is really up to me to lead the way and I feel I’ve been letting him down since he rarely goes to mass without me.
Your words of encouragement, and knowing that you are praying for me helps immensely. Please make your petitions most strongly this weekend to aid me in following through on my intent.
I will be visiting your blog very soon.
Peace,
Beatasum
By: Beatasum on July 9, 2009
at 9:53 am
I just happened along to your blog and happened to click on this post. I guess it caught my eye because a couple weeks ago as my husband and I were on our way to Sunday evening 5:15 Mass, I had the thought that one of the hardest things about being a Catholic is that command about attending Mass every Sunday under the pain of serious sin. We do always go–and I am always glad I went because the Mass and the Eucharist is restorative and grace-giving. But we are older and sometimes getting dressed, getting in the car, and driving 6 miles to church is difficult. If we did not have the option of Saturday evening Mass, and Sunday evening Mass at several parishes, it would be difficult to get up early if an early morning Mass were the only option.
I can’t suggest any solutions for making it easier. Maybe talking to a priest about your situation would be helpful. But I will keep you and your difficult situation with your mom in my prayers. As we get older, we face challenges we never anticipated but hopefully God is there giving us the strength to do what we need to do and to face what hardships come our way, but it isn’t always easy.
Also, I’d like to thank you for the link in your sidebar. It is appreciated. Many blessings and I will keep you in prayer and especially as we drive that 6 miles to Mass:-)
By: Kay on September 23, 2009
at 10:56 pm